5 Ways To Stop Your Blog From Going Viral
Having a post go viral can be a nightmare, all those pageviews, comments to deal with not to mention the overflow of your adsense account! I know, something has to be done! Here are 5 simple tips that will ensure your unread posts stay that way:
1) Write Crappy Content
To make sure your content sucks I recommend you make it very, very long. Once you have the length down, take out any bullet points, numbers or paragraphs. Remember if it is easy to read then people are going to want to share it.
2) Talk About Yesterdays News
Make sure you are covering yesterdays stories, or even better last weeks stuff. I recommend topics like “Why Windows Vista Sucks” and “What Is Twitter?” or maybe “Is Obama The End Of Racism?”. All good topics that will serve you well over the coming months if not years.
3) Make It Hard To Share Your Post
What ever you do don’t add badges or widgets that help people submit the blog to social bookmarking sites, or tweet about it. These are sure-fire ways for a blog to go viral so you should avoid them at all costs.
4) Have Super Long Page Titles
Super long page titles is a great way to foil the twitterers who try to share your post. As long as your page title (eg Post Title | Website stuff) is about 135 characters then you can almost be guaranteed that any link added to the tweet will be cut short and not work. The best part is the person who tweeted it doesn’t even know!
5) Don’t Have Any Freinds
Once a post gets a bit of momentum it is ready to soar, make sure you don’t have any friends who can create this momentum. And if you do have friends, for goodness sake don’t tell them about your post! If you have twitter followers be careful not to leak a link about your post. If you feel like you must share, just remember the trick and delete the last few letters in the link.
Good luck with keeping your posts untainted from haughty eyes.
edit*
6) Haev Spelling Mistakes
As pointed out by a few comments (#5 freinds) spelling mistakes will help keep things under control. The more the betterer, bad grammar unfinished sentances etc are the perfect way to stop people from sharing your
This is hilarious!
When I read the title, I thought, surely I read that wrong.
NOPE.
Nice way to start off Monday.
Thank you for that.
Reply
I'm sure this is a comedy post right? Who wouldn't want a post to become viral? Well if is not a joke, it was still funny to me.
Reply
Great job. I do have to admit I am bad about writing about older news. However, that is appropriate for my main audience. My main audience does not really know about technology at all. I am trying to write a few current articles. It is also a challenge to write stuff just like that since I got to school.
Reply
I like the tongue-in-cheek approach. I'd love to hear your feedback on my latest…
http://tookooldoggies.blogspot.com
Reply
That's really cute. AWhen I saw the headline on Twitter, I thought it was a warning about some new security threat to blogs!
Reply
Thanks for the laugh! Looks like you may need a disclaimer at the bottom for a few readers though… :)
Reply
Nice … I was cracking up, but if you use the anti-gravitational reverse-o-rama device it gives you amazing advice on how to make your blog post more potentially viral (any your tweets, too).
Reply
[...] This post was Twitted by ScottATaylor – Real-url.org [...]
lol this a funny post. I am going to tweet this right now.
Reply
Tim Scullin Reply:
May 25th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Thanks Kush!
Reply
Hah! Good one!
Reply
ROTFL aint it the truth! LOL
RT
Reply
Just tweeted–good stuff Scott.
btw, a tiny typo on the last bullet "Don’t Have Any Freinds"
Reply
OMG! You suck at folowing your own advices! ;)
Reply
Also, be sure to spell easy words wrong and use incorrect grammar.
Reply
you spelled "friend" wrong in point 5.
obvious spelling/ grammar mistakes could be point 6
Reply
Tim Scullin Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Haha yup, got it sussed!
Reply
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
#6 – haev spelling mistakes in your post :)
Reply
Tim Scullin Reply:
May 19th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Haha Brilliant, I have added it!
Reply
Also ignore anything and everything related to SEO, don't want someone finding that page just because the title had the right keyword in, Heaven forbid! Using Flash to display all content is a winner.
Reply
Quality post :)
Reply
Sorry for visiting your site, I'll leave immediately! ;)
Reply
[...] 5 Ways To Stop Your Blog From Going Viral [...]
Hi,
Very nice post.You raise very good point here.I agree that make a titles is a great way to foil the twitterers who try to share your post.because twitter accept limited length of title.
Thanks for the sharing the post.It is very useful for Stop our Blog From Going Viral.
Reply
This is super funny! Thanks for the laughs lord knows I needed it. =)
.-= shaunjudy´s last blog ..WordPress 2.8.3 Now Avalable For Download =-.
Reply
I’ve seen that “clip off the end of the URL” trick before. Heck, I may have even done it!
Reply
wow, it looks like I”m doing every thing righ….oh wait…oh no…gotta go!
Reply
Good one, worth sharing.
Reply
Don’t forget to add lots of busy, sparkling graphics to frame your post. There is nothing like a few glittering unicorns to tell the world you have made the big leagues…
Reply
Hysterical. My humor tends to be very sarcastic, so this was right up my alley. Thanks!
Reply
Hi,
Great post, some very useful tips here. I will be putting these into practice and let you know how I get on.
Reply
Leave your response!
Follow Tim Scullin dot Com
Most Popular
Sponsors
Categories
Recent Comments
Recent Posts
Most Commented
Most Viewed